My Testimony in Brief

I was born in Famagusta, Cyprus in 1973. In 1974, as a result of the Turkish invasion, my family and I moved to England until 1982 at which time we moved back to Cyprus and settled in a small coastal town called Larnaca.

After high school and the army I travelled to New York where I played music and went to University amongst other things.

In the beginning of 1998 whilst running a small home based computer business, my life long search for God culminated in me confessing my sins to the God of Israel, asking for forgiveness and being born again. I fell in love with Jesus and my life changed.

In the summer of 1998, after spending the last few months alone in elevated excitement reading the Bible and learning about Jesus, I decided to leave New York and travel back to Cyprus to lead a more quiet life.

In Cyprus I met many people from different walks of life who had had a similar experience to me: in fact what happened to them spiritually was identical to what had happened to me: they were born again.

I spent seven months in Cyprus living with my mother in Larnaca and spending a lot of time with my brothers and sisters in the Lord from a few different fellowships on the island.

In the beginning of 1999 I felt drawn to leave Cyprus and travelled to England where I spent the next five months working in a factory that made showerheads, selling ice-cream on an ice-cream van and enjoying wonderful fellowship with believers I had met in England. It is there where while reading the book of Revelation--it could have been any book of the Bible really--I began to fall in love with Israel and the people of Israel and set off on an amazing journey and a new life.

In August of 1999, I travelled back to New York and started studying History with a focus on Jewish history, Biblical criticism and Hebrew language.

In the spring of 2000 I started working at a French-American restaurant in the centre of Manhattan that I later discovered was owned and run by Israelis. My connection to the restaurant was the Greek general manager who left the following summer.

As my love for Jesus grew, so did my love for Israel. I was a member of the Hillel Jewish club at my university as well as the Intervarsity Christian fellowship. In the summer of 2002 I received a scholarship from my department--the Hebrew department--to take an intensive, advanced Hebrew grammar course at the Jewish Theological Seminary of America, a seminary that trains conservative rabbis. I loved the course. Just before the course started, I met Dana, who was to become my wife. In September 2002, we left New York and after a brief stint in England and Cyprus landed in Israel.

We have three daughters, Emma, 16; Zoe, 12 and Sophia, 9.

We live in Rehovot, Israel.

Images of the Messiah: The Appointed Time

Joseph was the eleventh son of Jacob. Jacob is also called Israel. I suppose that Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son not only because, as the text says, he was the son of his old age-for he had another son by Rachel, Benjamin- but also because he was the most good in heart and obedient to the good will of his father.

Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colors. Genesis 37:3

His brothers also despised Joseph because of the love that the father had for him.

And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him. Genesis 37:4

God reveals something to Joseph that will come to pass years down the road: He gives him two dreams which are alike in that Joseph becomes the saviour of his own family. When he repeats the dreams to his father and to his brothers, his brothers hate him even more; but his father keeps these things in his heart.

And his brethren said to him, Shalt thou indeed reign over us? or shalt thou indeed have dominion over us? And they hated him yet the more for his dreams, and for his words. Genesis 37:8

Years later, another son of Israel, Moses, is faced with a similar rebuke by one of his own brothers: When Moses saw two Hebrews fighting, he said to the offender:

"Wherefore smitest thou thy fellow? And he said, "Who made thee a prince and a judge over us?" Exodus 2:13,14

It appears that God had revealed to Moses that the time would come when he would deliver the people of Israel out of the house of bondage by his hand; however, his own people who were in dire need of salvation and liberation were not yet ready to receive him.

Joseph is sold by his brothers into slavery and finds himself in the Kingdom of Egypt where God-- after much trial and temptation--raised him to a position of great authority in the land of Egypt: Joseph was second only to Pharaoh.

Meanwhile back in Canaan, Jacob is grieving for his son Joseph. Joseph's brothers know in their hearts that they have committed a great injustice. There is a famine in the land and Joseph's brothers are sent by their father to Egypt where there is much grain because of Joseph's wise and Godly stewardship.

Thence the dreams which Joseph had prophetically dreamt years before are in this very moment fulfilled: His brothers who had rejected him, and hated him because of the goodness of his heart and because of the hardness of their heart, have now come to bow down before Joseph, who has been raised by God, to a position of power and majesty: he is their saviour and deliverer.

We notice a pattern forming throughout the Bible: Those who are highly esteemed by men are not necessarily esteemed highly by God.

But the Lord said to Samuel: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b

Joseph is first rejected by his own family, but is chosen by God to do a marvelous work of salvation. At the appointed time, the Lord opens their hearts and their eyes and they accept Joseph.

Moses is rebuked for his efforts to reconcile two of his brothers who are fighting and in effect is rejected as a leader, only to be accepted and followed at God's appointed time.

David--before becoming king of Israel-- had an almost identical experience after Samuel had anointed him. He went to the camp where Goliath was provoking the Israelites and he inquired about what was happening, with the intention of fighting the giant himself. He was ridiculed by his brother Eliab and rejected by the rest of his brothers.

And Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spoke unto the men; and Eliab's anger was kindled against David, and he said, Why camest thou down hither? and with whom hast thou left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle. 1 Samuel 17:18

In Psalm 118 David says, “the stone that the builders rejected has become the chief corner stone. This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvelous in our sight.”

The Bible speaks of another king that arises, and is rejected by His brothers only to be accepted at the fulfillment of the age when God opens their eyes and their hearts. This one is the Messiah, the King of Israel.

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:3-6

But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house. Mark 6:4.

Read Posts in the Correct Order

Dear Readers,

Please make sure that all posts are read in the correct order.

They have been labelled: Part i, Part ii and so on and so forth.

As of yet, Blogger hasn't a way to re-order posts; I hope that future versions will include such a feature.


Happy reading,

Dionysis

Theodor Herzl: The Jewish State Part iii

Part iii

Herzl believed that the establishment of a Jewish State would see the end of anti-Semitism and therefore the end to the Jewish problem.

“If we only begin to carry out the plans, Anti-Senitism would stop at once and for ever. For it is the conclusion of peace.” 23

He failed to see how much the world would shrink due to technology, the mass media, and communications.

“In order to assess the status of Israel in the international community, it may be useful to look at the Middle East’s only democracy as ‘the Jew among the nations.’” 24

The nation of Israel is in the land; but it is surrounded by hostile nations.

“… No other civilized nation in the history of the world-including totalitarian and authoritarian regimes-has ever been as repeatedly, unfairly and hypocritically condemned and criticized by the international community as Israel has been over the years.” 25

Herzl saw that the Jews could not achieve national actualization while they were living as foreigners in foreign lands where they were not welcome, and where they were fiercely persecuted and denied the rights to live as citizens of the state. He recognized that the Jews were a nation without a home, and that they needed a home in which they may grow and conduct there own affairs in the way that they saw fit. Herzl did not see that eventually, the same international community in which they were suffering for almost two thousand years would bereave them of their freedom to conduct their political affairs in the way that they see fit.

Israel: The Jew among the nations is right!

For I will gather all the nations to Jerusalem for war: The city shall be captured, the houses plundered, and the women violated; and a part of the city shall go into exile. But the rest of the population shall not be uprooted form the city. Then the LORD will come forth and make war on a day of battle. On that day, He will set His feet on the Mount of Olives, near Jerusalem on the east; and the Mount of Olives shall split across from east to west, and one part of the Mount shall shift to the north and the other to the south, a huge gorge. And the Valley in the Hills shall be stopped up as it was stopped up as a result of the earthquake in the days of King Uzziah of Judah.-And the LORD my God, with all the holy beings, will come to you. And the LORD shall be king over all the earth; in that day there shall be one LORD with one name. 26

Hear, O Israel! The LORD our God, the LORD is One. 27

Theodor Herzl died in 1906, forty-two years before the declaration of the Jewish State by David Ben-Gurion on May 14th 1948. His work and his vision were truly prophetic and miraculous; and his leadership was of epic proportion. His words ring in our ears today:

“Therefore I believe that a wondrous generation of Jews will spring into existence. The Maccabeans will arise once again. Let me repeat once more my opening words: The Jews who wish will have their State.” 28

References

1 Lloyd P. Gartner, History of the Jews in Modern Times (Oxford, 2001), 251

2 Carl E. Schorski, The Journal Of Modern History (1967), 373

3 Essays and Addresses by Theodor Herzl, translated from the German by Harry Zohn, Zionist Writings, Volume One: January, 1896-June, 1898, (Herzl Press, New York, 1973), 16-17

4 Edited by Gideon Shimoni and Robert S. Wistrich, Theodor Herzl: Visionary of the Jewish State (Jerusalem, 1999), 162

5 Theodor Herzl; Foreword by Chaim Weizman, The Jewish State (New York, 1943), 19

6 Ibid., 92

7 Ibid., 94

8 Edited by Gideon Shimoni and Robert S. Wistrich, Theodor Herzl: Visionary of the Jewish State (Jerusalem, 1999), 15

9 Theodor Herzl; Foreword by Chaim Weizman, The Jewish State (New York, 1943), 17

10 Ibid., 18

11 Ibid., 76

12 Edited by Gideon Shimoni and Robert S. Wistrich, Theodor Herzl: Visionary of the Jewish State (Jerusalem, 1999), 140

13 Ibid., 87

14 Ibid., 122

15 Theodor Herzl; Foreword by Chaim Weizman, The Jewish State (New York, 1943), 27

16 Essays and Addresses by Theodor Herzl, translated from the German by Harry Zohn, Zionist Writings, Volume One: January, 1896-June, 1898, (Herzl Press, New York, 1973), 13

17 Edited by Gideon Shimoni and Robert S. Wistrich, Theodor Herzl: Visionary of the Jewish State (Jerusalem, 1999), 322

18 Stephen M. Wylen, Settings of Silver (New York, 2000), 390

19 Edited by Gideon Shimoni and Robert S. Wistrich, Theodor Herzl: Visionary of the Jewish State (Jerusalem, 1999), 172-173

20 Ibid., 161-162

21 Theodor Herzl; Foreword by Chaim Weizman, The Jewish State (New York, 1943), 63

22 Edited by Gideon Shimoni and Robert S. Wistrich, Theodor Herzl: Visionary of the Jewish State (Jerusalem, 1999), 304

23 Theodor Herzl; Foreword by Chaim Weizman, The Jewish State (New York, 1943), 110

24 Alan M. Dershowitz, Israel: The Jew among the Nations (2002). Nativ is a publication of the Ariel Center for Policy Research (ACPR). ‘The doors of Nativ are open to diverse subjects and authors, on the understanding that all texts published will serve as stimuli for high-level debate on issues of vital interest to Israel.’

25 Ibid.

26 Tanakh: The Holy Scriptures (Jewish Publication Society) Zechariah 14:1-5;9

27 The Holy Bible (King James Version) Deuteronomy 6:4

28 Theodor Herzl; Foreword by Chaim Weizman, The Jewish State (New York, 1943), 111

Bibliography

Theodor Herzl; Foreword by Chaim Weizman, The Jewish State (New York, 1943)

Zionist Writings, Volume One: January, 1896-June, 1898, (Herzl Press, New York, 1973)

Theodor Herzl: Visionary of the Jewish State (Jerusalem, 1999) Lloyd P. Gartner, History of the

Jews in Modern Times (Oxford, 2001) Stephen M. Wylen, Settings of Silver (New York, 2000)

The Holy Bible (King James Version) Tanakh: The Holy Scriptures (Jewish Publication Society)

Theodor Herzl: The Jewish State Part 1

This is the first part of a paper on Theodor Herzl that I wrote at University in 2001

Theodor Herzl: The Jewish State (Part i)

Theodor Herzl was born in Budapest on May 2nd 1860 into a wealthy assimilated Jewish family. His parents did not teach him Jewish ways or customs; so he knew little about Jewish thought and Jewish writings. Herzl’s mother was educated in a secular institution; and his father had given up religious life, although Herzl’s grandfather was a religious Jew who knew some of the earlier pioneers of Zionism.

A native of Budapest whose prosperous family was German in its culture, with a grandfather who had known early proto-Zionist leaders, Herzl grew up in a conventionally liberal Jewish atmosphere with little Judaic knowledge. 1

Herzl’s mother encouraged him to study German literature, and Herzl became an avid reader. When he was just a young boy, he formed a small literary group with his classmates called ‘We’, in which they would study, and further their understanding of German culture. Even though he experienced anti-Semitism whilst growing up in Budapest, he never, until his conversion to the Zionist cause, ceased to be an ardent assimilationist.

“Even as experience consumed his hopes, his central concern still remained to save gentile society, in which case the Jewish problem would take care of itself.” 2

In 1878 after the death of his sister, the Herzl family moved to Vienna. In Vienna, Theodor Herzl studied law, and was a member of a fraternity until the day when the fraternity decided that it would no longer accept Jews as members. Those who were already members were permitted to remain; but Herzl decided that he would move on. He graduated in 1884 as Doctor of Laws. He found work in Salzburg; and faced again with the limited prospects of promotion in that city, he began to travel and write plays.

“I would have liked to remain in that beautiful city, but as a Jew I would never have been promoted to a judgeship. For that reason I said farewell both to Salzburg and to legal learning.” 3

In the interim, he got married and had three children; and in 1891, he was offered a post in Paris as the foreign correspondent for the Neue Freie Presse, a Vienna newspaper, although up until that moment he had no interest in politics. It is evident that these four years as a political journalist, equipped him with the knowledge, and instilled in him the compulsion to write his own thoughts on the solution to the Jewish question. Two months before he left Paris, in 1895, he wrote his monumental work, Der Judenstaat, The Jewish State. It was truly a prophetic work, and an objective solution to the Jewish problem, penetrating the Jewish Community from the outside, and stirring up emotions and hopes that had not been felt since Simon Bar Kochba led his military rebellion against the Roman Empire in 132-135 C.E.

It is interesting to note how his little prior involvement with the Jewish people, became to him a valuable asset in promoting political Zionism. He was not proposing a Jewish solution to the Jewish problem. He was not envisioning a Jewish state, but a state for the Jews.

'A nation has the right to a state’ was defined by Herzl not in terms of culture, language, folklore and history, but in terms of universal rights. 4

Herzl understood that the Jews could not live a liberated life in Europe, or anywhere in the world, because where the Jews go the Jews are persecuted.

The Jewish question exists wherever Jews live in perceptible numbers. Where it does not exist, it is carried by Jews in the course of their migrations. We naturally move to those places where we are not persecuted, and there our presence produces persecution. 5

Herzl is interested in the Jews having the opportunity to conduct their own political affairs, in a land that is their own, in a land in which they may raise their children in freedom, without discrimination or persecution; where they may reach the highest heights of their heart’s desire, because their state offers them the unhindered opportunity to do so.

“The Jewish people are at present prevented by the Diaspora from conducting their political affairs themselves. Besides, they are in a condition of more or less severe disability in many parts of the world.” 6

Herzl’s disassociation from the Jewish people--which until that point were a religious group with no substantial independent political voice--and his involvement and understanding of gentile politics, gave him a platform from which to preach a political message to the Jews: it was a gentile solution for a Jewish problem.

“This pamphlet is intended to open a general discussion on the Jewish Question. Friends and foes will take part in it; but it will no longer, I hope, take the form of violent abuse of sentimental vindication, but of a debate, practical, large, earnest and political.” 7

Herzl is calling for change. He himself experienced a change; and he is calling on his people to change.

“In 1895, Theodor Herz underwent a dramatic conversion from Austo-German assimilationist to Zionist.” 8

Herzl had his own conception of Jewishness; and it seems that he thought very little of the current Jewish capacity for successful political action. He criticizes the Jews for crying:

“We depend for sustenance on the nations who are our hosts, and if we had no hosts to support us we would die of starvation.” 9

After speaking of the lack of resourcefulness of the Jews, he says:

“But I do not want to take up the cudgels for the Jews in this pamphlet.” 10

Herzl wishes to arouse the people to a new and progressive way of thinking: A way of thinking that will provide the impetus for action that will open up for them a door out of the ghetto, and into their own place.

The ghetto subsists still, though its walls are broken down. 11

Herzl had never concerned himself directly with the Jewish problem until his conversion to Political Zionism, because he truly believed that the enlightened gentile society, of which he was a part, would gradually fully accept the Jews. Full emancipation, to Jews in Austria, was granted in 1887; but emancipation did not mean acceptance and assimilation.

References and Bibliography in the final part of this paper.

Theodor Herzl: The Jewish State Part ii

Part ii

The Dreyfus trial in 1894 served as a catalyst that would drive home the now undeniable realities and results of anti-Semitism in Europe, and the possibility of such outcomes due to anti-Semitism in any land where the Jews were merely guests.

In Austria, with the failure of Liberalism, and the ascendance to power of anti-Semite delegates in the municipal assembly-such as Karl Lueger of the Christian Social Party who was elected to mayor of Vienna in 1895-anti-Semitism acquired a political representation. This was a clear indication that the very existence of the Jews in Austria was at risk.

For Herzl this was a clear sign of the collapse of political stability in the Austro-Hungarian Empire in general and the undermining of the status of the Jews in particular. 12

Lichtenstein-co-founder with Karl Lueger of the Austrian Christian Social Party-declared that anti-Semitism was an integral part of his ideology and politics. He cited the antagonism towards the Jews, created by their domination of the Austrian credit business, as the main reason for the success of his party. 13

In France, in 1884, Captain Alfred Dreyfus was convicted in a court martial of selling French military secrets to the Germans. Although the evidence pointed to his innocence, false witnesses fabricated evidence that led to his conviction. When a new trial was held in 1898, and the accuser who was found to be with false testimony committed suicide, huge support arose from the masses to support his widow, and to cry out against the Jews. Herzl maintained that Dreyfus could not have been guilty of the crime of which he had been accused, because when a Jew reaches the desirable and honorable position of power and authority in gentile society-when one is accepted and thus assimilated-he will not risk losing this much-valued acquired status. The anti-Semitism that was stirred up in the masses during the Dreyfus Affair led Herzl to seriously consider a solution to the Jewish Question. All these elements combined necessitated the founding of a Jewish state.

In September 1899 in an article he wrote called “Zionism”, he wrote:

“You see, what made me a Zionist was the Dreyfus trial.” 14

"No human being is wealthy or powerful enough to transplant a nation from one habitation to another. An idea alone can compass that: and this idea of a state may have the requisite power to do so. The Jews have dreamt this kingly dream all through the long nights of their history. ‘Next year in Jerusalem’ is our old phrase. It is now a question of showing that the dream can be converted into a living reality." 15

Herzl is acknowledging that throughout all the centuries in the galut, the Jews have always had a desire in their hearts to return to the land of their forefathers. There has always been a connection between the Jewish nation, and the land of Israel. He says though, that the Jews have been dreaming about it throughout the centuries, without any action towards the realization of that dream.

He is the one who is putting forward the idea; and he is the one who is laying the groundwork, the foundation, for its materialization. He is the sublime figure that encapsulates this idea: he is the personification of this idea that has the requisite power to rise up a nation oppressed, to the military victories we see just forty two years after his death.

He made a journal entry in 1896, which suggests that he was aware of the magnetism that he held over the people:

"As I sat on the platform of the workmen’s stage on Sunday I experienced strange sensations. I saw and heard my legend being born. The people are sentimental; the masses do not see clearly. I believe that even now they no longer have a clear image of me. A light fog is beginning to rise around me and it may perhaps become the cloud in which I shall walk." 16

The first Zionist Congress took place in Basle, Switzerland, on August 29th 1897. The man responsible for organizing the congress and the central figure of the congress was Theodor Herzl. It was attended by nationalist Jewish leaders from all over the world. The aim of Zionism is to create a national home for the Jewish people. It is to bring the Jewish people from the Four Corners of the earth, to an internationally recognized and secure border in the land of Palestine. Herzl wrote in his diary on September 3rd 1897:

"If I were to sum up the Congress in a word-which I shall take care not to publish-it would be this: At Basle I founded the Jewish State. If I said this out loud today I would be greeted by universal laughter. In five years perhaps, and certainly in fifty years, everyone will perceive it." 17

Just over fifty years after this diary entry, this prediction is fulfilled.

Theodor Herzl was not the first to consider the foundation of a Jewish state as a valid solution to the Jewish problem; but he is the first to propose a tangible plan of action for the realization of such a cause. His objectivity due to his ignorance with regards to Jewish matters may have been his greatest asset.

Herzl decided that the only solution was for the Jews to have a state of their own. He was so unlearned in Jewish affairs that he did not know that many other Jews had proposed such a solution before him. Working only from his own thoughts, Herzl went home and wrote a book, The Jewish State, in which he outlined his proposal. 18

Herzl even claimed at a later time, that:

“Had I known Pinsker’s writings, I would not have written 'The Jewish State'.” 19

Innovative leadership is usually a function of the leaders’ freedom of maneuver. When he began, Herzl was free of any cultural conditioning. Unaffected by tradition, national images and historical precedents, he burst boldly into a flight of imagination. 20

The writings of Leon Pinsker and of Moses Hess and of Nathan Binbaum scan back almost three decades before Herzl ever considered political Zionism. Hovevi Zion, and other Zionist groups, existed and proposed the slow migration to, and settlement of the Jews in Palestine. Herzl viewed this method as a slow one; and as one that was not politically sound, because it did not involve or have the open support of the political powers of the time. Herzl wanted Zionism to be supported by at least one world power: he wanted the establishment of the Jewish State to be the product of the combined efforts of the Jewish people and the gentile powers. He wants to recruit gentiles to his camp, who will help with the fulfillment of his plan.

“I have already mentioned that honest anti-Semites, whilst preserving their independence, will combine with our officials in controlling the transfer of our estates.” 21

Although there are differences and disagreements between Herzl, and the already existing Zionist groups, Herzl’s shrewd diplomacy, dispels any clouds that obscure the clarity of his vision. He thus consolidates the efforts and the support of practically all groups, and gets the ball of Political Zionism rolling.

In his opening address at the First Zionist Congress, Herzl declared that ‘Zionism constitutes a return to Judaism even before a return to the land of the Jews.’ This sentence has been subjected to considerable interpretation; there were even some Orthodox who saw it as an expression of Herzl’s return to traditional Judaism. Yet there can be no doubt that this was not the meaning intended by Herzl. It was nothing more than a romantic call for return to the ‘ancient home; to the Jewish past and the sense of national togetherness, before the physical return to the land. 22

How I Fell In Love With Israel

My love for Israel started in 1999 less than a year after I had fallen in love with Jesus.

I had been living in New York since 1994. In early 1997 I was running a small, home-based business selling computers. I was working round the clock and was very tired and not very happy with what I was doing. I also had problems receiving funding to expand the business due to my student status and things were starting to get tight as large companies released computers at super competitive prices.

I had always felt drawn to the supernatural and had started reading the Bible at the age of six. I bought my first Bible at my school jumble sale in England for 2p.

Since then I have been fascinated with the supernatural and remember having received--at my request--a few children's Bibles over a few Christmases as gifts. I loved the stories and longed to learn more about this God who created everything and who had such an intimate relationship with His creation. I always knew in my heart that God was the God of Israel and that the true God was the God of the Bible who is the God of Israel.

As I grew into my teenage years I grew distant from my reading of the Bible, although I always felt a connection and a love for the God of the Bible. I started to be interested in the occult and started reading and learning about different religions and beliefs which included transcendental meditation and reincarnation.

As my teenage years drudged on and problems in the family began to torment me and have an affect on my mood, my character and my behaviour, I began to find ways to escape whilst desperately attempting to improve myself. In retrospect I think that it is the conviction of sin that set me on the desperate search to rid myself of this sin and recreate myself a new person.
Needless to say, my attempts amounted to nothing until one uneventful day in April of 1998. I was tired of running the computer business and by this time had had a burning desire in my heart to find what it was that I really wanted to do with my life but most of all to know God.

Around the middle of 1997 I had concluded that my research into the occult and religion had not strengthened my faith and that all the self-help and self-improvement books that I had read had had no apparent or implicit effect on me whatsoever: in fact I was more convinced than ever that the true God was the God of the Bible: the God of Israel. I bought myself a Bible and I started at the beginning: Genesis. I started reading the New Testament simultaneously just so that I could cover more ground, save time and bring about a change more quickly.

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13

The conviction of sin. Why did I want to bring about a change? Because of the conviction of sin. We are not sinners because we sin; we sin because we are sinners. I didn't want to change and to get rid of sin in my life because I had done something terrible. Looking back I understand that. I was convicted of sin by the Holy Spirit so that I would confess my sins, ask for forgiveness and ask Jesus to come into my life.

Jesus answered and said unto him (Nicodemus), Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
John 3:3

That's what happened on that uneventful day in April of 1998. All my reading of the Bible from front to back and from back to front and side to side didn't bring me the peace I was looking for; rather, it made me feel an even greater sinner. What, with all this talk of devotion to God, godliness and love, forgiveness and loving your enemies and going the extra mile and turning the other cheek. I was frustrated and could not possible live up to those expectations. In my frustration I turned to God. I asked Him to forgive me for not understanding and for my sins, I asked to be given eyes to understand, ears to hear and a new heart that would love and serve Him eternally. I was aware of the change on the very night that this had happened. I was born again and I didn't know what this meant.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17

I didn't read and understand the above verse until November--five months later--when it suddenly hit me that I was in fact a new creature in Jesus and that all old things had in fact passed away. Hallelujah.

In fact the book I read immediately after asking the Lord to help me understand and to be the Lord of my life, was Ecclesiastes: vanity of vanities all is vanity if you don't know God: this is exactly what I had wanted to hear.

. . . . to be continued